I had COVID a few weeks ago. My children too. It was so rough and I have not felt rested since. It's been a month or so now. I wake up before everyone and have my morning routine, which I try to complete before the children wake up. I usually do not have time to do everything that I want to and need to do. And now, it seems that I need to add a few more changes to my already struggling morning routine.
For at least five years, I've barely rested. I would stay up as late as I could before crashing. This resulting in sleeping just long enough to function with small children. There were many other unhealthy habits associated with this lifestyle, but in the process, I formed bonds with at least one friend. This person, I haven't spent time with, in at least a month- because I am SO tired. And it makes me so sad.
Add into this, I have begun homeschooling my Kindergartner. He does his work and does well, but, after classes, he gravitates toward device time. Device time is a struggle for my family. I have to find another way to make this better.
I'm so tired. I can't get up. I don't want to get up. Unless it's like 2-3am. Then the darkness of the house, of the room, it triggers the darkness within me and I feel attacked.
I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being stuck. And I'm working daily to push myself to be better than the last day.
I have started working on my health. Every single day I decide that I want to eat, and then, I blow it. I eat something that is going to trigger terrible eating for the rest of the day.
I have triggers. Lots of triggers. We all do.
But I'm ready for my breakthrough.
I feel it coming.
No comments:
Post a Comment